Is there anything I can do to help my husband recover from Peyronie’s disease?

Any woman can help and support his effort to reduce Peyronies disease in several ways

There obvious and not so obvious, direct and indirect, ways a woman can help the man in her life to deal with his problems of Peyronie’s disease not only on a personal treatment basis, but also by supporting and assisting with those personal matters that threaten their relationship as a social and sexual couple.

It goes without saying that the obvious physical problems of a curved penis, reduced length and girth, and erectile dysfunction that are part of Peyronie’s disease directly affect the man who has this condition.  But the woman in a relationship with such a man is in a critical position because of their personal relationship to help him deal with the many negative aspects of Peyronie’s disease, and so can provide an integral part of any solution he might need.  Her role begins by understanding and accepting that he is going through a strange and stressful event for which no man is ever prepared.  Throughout a woman’s life, even before her teen years, she is talked to and prepared for changes in her reproductive system; she discusses these events that affect her genital area with her mother and perhaps her sisters and girlfriends who also experience these changes; she even goes to a special kind of doctor, a gynecologist, who specializes just in the female reproductive system; each month she is reminded that her pelvic region does unusual things; if she becomes pregnant she soon overcomes her modesty and privacy about this area of her body.  A man does not ever experience anything remotely like that.  His genitals are his prized masculine region, but they are private.  For the most part his reproductive area is uneventful and is not discussed much – except if he develops Peyronie’s disease.

For these reasons he has been completely unprepared by his past experiences to deal with  suddenly learning that there is a problem he has never heard of before, called Peyronie’s disease, that jeopardizes his ability to engage in sexual intercourse and denies him the act that defines manhood to him.   For a man Peyronie’s disease is perhaps not so much experienced as a health problem in which fibrous plaque material develops internally within the penis, but more so it is felt to be a loss of what makes him a man.  The woman who must deal with her man’s Peyronies problem must see this condition as a great emotional issue for him and be prepared to forgive him if his temperament and mood suffers while he comes to grips with his curved penis that no longer works as it once did.

He will benefit greatly from his mate’s emotional support and patience, and her ability to forgive him while he wrestles with the fears that are connected to Peyronie’s disease. Probably his biggest fear is the losing you because of his reduced sexual ability; no longer being able to provide you the pleasure of sexual intercourse, that you will leave him for someone else. He fears that he will never experience regain the pleasure of traditional sexual satisfaction. He fears that if you do leave him he will never be able to develop a relationship with another woman, and he will be alone in life. He fears being pitied and ridiculed as the man with the deformed and shrunken penis. He fears feeling like less of a man.  It is not really the physical aspects of Peyronie’s disease that drives a man into despair, it is being unprepared for the emotional isolation he feels.  More than ever he needs you but he feels ashamed and embarrassed to be with you, adding to the torment he feels.

From the combination of physical, emotional and sexual problems related to Peyronie’s disease comes a list of common problems and pitfalls that happen to most couples. Since the man with Peyronie’s disease will often shut down emotionally and a state of denial, totally ignoring his problem, the burden to actively learn about and reach out for help will fall to the woman in that relationship. From this reason the Peyronie’s Disease Institute has developed  a special program in which our staff nurse can consult with and advise a woman who needs help dealing with any aspect of Peyronie’s disease.  During a friendly phone call our nurse will answer questions of any sort about Peyronie’s disease (male and female anatomy, sexual difficulties, personal relationship problems, treatment options, or anything else that is on her mind).

Here are a few ideas to consider to help him deal with his penile problems and to protect the bonds of your family:

  1. Continue your usual sex life if at all possible, limiting traditional intercourse only to the extent that his curved penis prevents it.  In case you believe that you cannot any longer engage in intercourse, please know that there are many techniques and ideas that can help you allow entry and increase your ability for traditional sexual intercourse. Few couples are as limited in their ability to engage in intercourse as they assume; usually all they need are some basic ideas and simple instruction. This is such an important topic; please refer to my second book that covers many aspects of this topic at great detail and length, “Peyronie’s Disease and Sex.”
  2. An important aspect of Alternative Medicine treatment of PD is the PDI diet to assist recovery from Peyronies.   This subject is covered in detail in chapter 5 of “Peyronie’s Disease Handbook.”  You can assist his recovery greatly if you can coach him through these dietary ideas, and make it easier to follow if you incorporate these principles into your lifestyle for the time being.
  3. Moral support at this time is crucial.  You will help him, and help yourself as well, if you can offer him encouragement and praise during these rough times.  You will prove your loyalty and earn his admiration and respect when you demonstrate you are not a fair weather friend.  Men commonly refer to their time dealing with Peyronie’s disease as the lowest point of their lives, feeling alone and depressed, offering them all the excuse needed to behave badly.  Just because a man is acting like a jerk does not mean he does not know he is acting like a jerk; he knows his behavior is bad; he just does not care to control his primitive emotions of the moment. This is the time a man needs a friend to offer support and a trusting heart.  Even though he might push you away out of embarrassment and self-consciousness for his reduced physical state, he will soon recognize your acts of steadfast friendship and tolerance as proof you are not going to reject him.  Once he is confident you are not going to run away because of his sexual problems, your man will come around to his old self (and probably better) because you will have proven your love for him to an even greater level than he knew before.  This is how your relationship will grow under the adversity of Peyronie’s disease, by showing your strength and loyalty to him no matter what happens.
  4. Be tolerant and understanding about his reduced sexual interest and flawed sexual ability.  Both of you are afraid of what will happen in the future regarding your sex life together.  The way to make our fears become a reality is to place a lot of pressure on his sexual performance.  Easy does it.  As discussed at length in “Peyronie’s Disease and Sex,” we find that most couples can actually engage in sexual intercourse for a far longer time than they imagine, but stop only because the do not know how to solve get around some of the difficulties of gaining entry with a bent penis; this book explains how to be successful with sex using a curved penis than you could imagine.  In the early stages of Peyronies it is most valuable to continue traditional intercourse for as long as possible.  It is not necessary to stop sexual activity as long as no pain occurs for either partner.  Engaging in sexual activity is good for the physical and emotional health of both partners, as well as beneficial for your personal relationship.  Sex can be the all-important emotional glue that keeps you together, so use sex liberally since PD is really all about sex when you think about it.  If you reduce sexual activity at this time it will only confirm his worse fear that you are no longer interested in him as a sexual person. If traditional sexual intercourse turns out to not be possible due to his curved penis it is necessary to explore, expand and use a greater variety non-intercourse sexual activities and techniques, with the hands, lips and whatever else is mutually agreeable to you as a couple.  Your previous thinking and attitude about sexual activity might have to change to satisfy your unfulfilled physical needs for intimacy.  With an open and honest dialogue you can work these things out.  Again, your helpful and willing approach to sexual problem solving and cooperation only proves your place in his heart as the best possible partner he can have.

Many of the conflicts and stresses a couple goes through when Peyronie’s disease enters their lives are avoidable.  A little understanding, a few suggestions about altered sex techniques, the man having the woman’s side explained to him, the woman having the man’s side explained to her, reading the positive and informative books that are available from the Peyronie’s Disease Institute, and starting an aggressive Alternative Medicine treatment plan to increase his ability to heal and repair the Peyronies plaque can do wonders to reduce stress and misunderstanding between people dealing with Peyronie’s disease.

If the woman would keep in mind that her man with Peyronie’s disease is very much like a scared little boy who is behaving badly because he is scared of losing you, and treat him accordingly, things would improve greatly. With understanding, love and a little compassion you can help that little boy know you are not going to leave him and you will protect your relationship with him.

Dr.Herazy

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *