How women can help men deal with Peyronies disease
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There is a wide range of unique problems that can develop based on the dynamics of special situations within a relationship, especially concerning sex. Even so, there unfortunately also tends to be a list of common problems and pitfalls that most couples must deal with in order to keep their relationship strong and working together well for his eventual recovery. From this reason the Peyronie’s Disease Institute has a special program in which our staff nurse will consult with and advise any woman who needs help in a program called “Woman to Woman.” Women can speak to our nurse to ask questions of any sort that deal Peyronie’s disease, from the anatomy, physiology and pathology of PD, to personal relations questions, as well as help in dealing with sexual difficulties.
There are many ways, obvious and not so obvious, a woman can help a man deal with his Peyronie’s disease on a personal basis, in addition to helping with those issues that threaten their life together as a social and sexual couple. Here are a few ideas that will get you started in the right direction.
It is not just the man with the obvious physical problem that is affected, but Peyronie’s disease and women who deal these men on a daily basis are also distressed and are an integral part of any solution he might need. To really help him requires that his partner does her best to try to understand the strange and stressful thing he is going through with Peyronie’s disease, and forgive him if his behavior and personality have deteriorated under the weight of his burden. More than anything else, much of what is required to help him right now is in the form of emotional support and great acts of kindness by letting go of the hurt feelings that will probably arise.
If a woman really wants to help her man deal with his problem, and wants to protect the bonds of their family unit, she can:
- Make a special effort to understand and forgive his moodiness and embarrassment since he has been diagnosed with Peyronie’s disease. Women commonly notice that a man who previously was confident and eager for sexual contact will suddenly refuse sexual activity, and even hide his body rather than exposing himself to his mate. These temperament changes are usually based on a powerful sense of low self-esteem and deep lack of self-confidence that arises from his lost sense of masculinity. Many women comment that their husband’s personality has changed so much that he is like a different man.For many men this change is a reflection of how he thinks of himself since the most masculine part of his body has been so flawed that he thinks of it as being taken away from him. He might easily act out in fits of child-like anger. It is valuable that his mate attempts to be as tolerant of these outbursts, just as she would a child; at these times he is functioning at very primitive and instinctive level of emotional development as a child would.Above all else, he will require more patience and understanding than ever before. This is not to say a man with PD should be given license to be abusive and use ugly behavior, but only that any tolerance that can be afforded to him should be used since it will help to prove to him that he is not being rejected by his mate. As discussed below, fear of rejection and fear of loss are two of the primary driving forces that most deeply trouble the man with Peyronies.His thinking about the subject of PD is often overridden by his strong emotions, so do not count on him to be logical or mature about this subject. Think of him as a scared child having a temper tantrum and you will not be too far off; treat him with that same compassion and forgiveness as you would a child when necessary. You can help him deal with his Peyronie’s disease, but it will most especially help you to understand and deal with him effectively.
- Be prepared for him to be down on himself, and to not accept or believe you when you say that his Peyronie’s disease, curved penis and reduced sexual ability are something that you can learn to live with. Be prepared to be rejected when you say that you still love him in spite of his distorted penis.Many men cannot make themselves believe it is true no matter how many times they are told that their physical distortion does not matter, regardless of the sincerity and emotion that is used. They see themselves as so pathetic and unworthy that they cannot believe any woman could accept them in their reduced state. Men will push women away in anger when she only reaffirms her love and acceptance. The more she insists she is not affected by his loss, the more aggravated and lost in denial he can become. It makes for some very emotionally charged moments.Do not take his anger personally; it is delivered to you because you are standing in front of him, but is really a reflection of his despair and anger with himself.
- Over and over, in small and large ways, offer direct and indirect assurance he is still acceptable and attractive to you. His confidence and self-worth can easily be taken to at an all-time low because of the humiliating effects of Peyronie’s disease. His reduced penis size, erectile dysfunction and penile curvature can cause a man to think less of himself, and he will assume you do the same. While the physical change of his genitals can be shocking, do your best to respond to him in a way that is as positive and normal as before his Peyronie’s disease started. The majority of men disbelieve that their spouse is willing to stand by during his difficult time. Calm repetition of your acceptance and love is your best ally.
In my work helping men who have Peyronie’s disease I frequently encounter those whose lives have been ruined not just by the emotional effects of a curved penis, but by the women who abandoned them. Often these problems are avoidable if someone would explain to these women why their men behave in such a bad way, and how little it takes to not only help these men but also help the women to protect what is an otherwise good relationship and keep their families together.
In the case of the women who deal with Peyronie’s disease, trying to understand he is just a scared little boy who is behaving badly because he is scared of losing you. Treating him with a little compassion can go a long way toward protecting your little boy and your relationship with him.
