Marital stress caused by Peyronie's disease
If having Peyronie’s disease was not stressful enough on a relationship, it has been reported by The New York Times that more men and women than ever are cheating on each other.
This blog article does not intend to plant the seeds of anxiety, doubt, or suspicion about an unfaithful mate, because these thoughts have likely occurred within the first hour for any every man who learns his curved penis is caused by Peyronies disease. This blog post is offered to address that common fear and anxiety, and offer advice for what you can do to increase your ability to keep your relationship solid and strong. So read on, since this is additional reason for men with a bent penis to be interested in improving their romantic talents and sexual skills. In a recent newspaper article, The New York Times commented that University of Washington researchers discovered more men and women are cheating today than in the past. What is termed the lifetime rate of infidelity is greater for both sexes; for men over 60 infidelity is now at 28 percent, up from 21 percent. The frequency of infidelity has tripled for women, with infidelity now at 15 percent.
Apparently it is the temptation offered by the modern age, in the form of cell phones, e-mail communication and instant text messaging that allow people, including women who work at home, to create intimate relationships with those who are not their traditional partners. Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., author of Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love and the Sensual Years, believes women are more inclined to wander and experiment with others is because of growing independence and ease of maintaining private communication with different people. Dr. Schwartz notes that if a person was sexually active while single or unattached, that person is more likely to be dissatisfied and roam if their current relationship develops problems.
“If things aren’t great, they are more open to reliving some of the sexual passion and high points of their single days,” Schwartz says.
At what point in a relationship do things become not great? “[People] get bored or feel like, ‘Is this all there is?’ ” Schwartz says. “[The reasons] for men and women are the same: They need reassurance and they’re feeling unappreciated.” So, notice here that Dr. Schwartz is not replying that a woman becomes unfaithful because she is not receiving adequate sexual activity, or that she is unhappy with the number of orgasms or the size of his penis. This is an extremely important point. It has been my observation that men with Peyronie’s disease develop relationship problems more because of how they behave on the emotional relationship or social level, than on the sexual physical level.
Dissatisfaction in a romantic relationship usually revolves around something any man with Peyronie’s disease can always provide, in spite of a bent penis – he can always offer her respect, reassurance and appreciation. Keep in mind that the real dissatisfaction in a romantic relationship is often more about emotional issues than physical issues. Even when the woman expresses sexual dissatisfaction with her mate, they come to the surface only because of deeper and larger problems that are emotional in nature. Men tend to think of a relationship more so from the purely physical aspect, while women tend to think of a relationship more so from the purely emotional aspect. This is the wonderful, and problematic, difference between the sexes.
A man with the bent penis of Peyronie’s disease thinks he has a problem in his relationship because of the physical problems with sex. This is often not true. A man would think this way, while a woman doe not. For a woman the real issues of highest importance are the critical personal human issues of respect, reassurance, appreciation, and an emotional bond that is strong and frequently satisfied. I have seen that if a woman is emotionally satisfied, she is far, far more likely to willingly accept her mates reduced physical limitations.
I spend a great amount of time discussing all phases and aspects of this exact issue that arises in Peyronie’s disease between a man and a woman in my book, “Peyronie’s Disease & Sex.” This book has saved many marriages and relationships over the years. I urge you to read it if you are having relationship problems because of your Peyronies.
Peyronie’s disease and romance
On a daily basis, with so many interferences and stresses that separate a couple, romance is difficult to maintain. However, there many easy and fun things any man with Peyronie’s disease can do, no matter how badly his penis curvature interferes with usual sexual activity. These are five positive and pleasant steps you can take, even if you cannot engage in intercourse, that will assist you greatly to keep her interested and close to you:
1. Spend more time together. A good relationship requires time together and alone with that special person. Give her the attention she craves. Go out with her to do things that you previously avoided. Go grocery shopping together. Tag along when she does a few errands, or to her work functions you usually avoid. Help her with some chores that you can share together. Be a friend to her in ways that you did not see before. Dr. Schwartz advises, “You can’t do it all, but even if you’re there sometimes, it will remind her that she’s part of a great couple instead of an individual out there on her own.
2. Keep your relationship fresh and fun. See where you have fallen into a level of dullness in your lives, and make some changes. While you might simply see a schedule, she might see a rut. Eating at the same restaurant, doing the same things each evening after work, being far too predictable, or not adding variety to your lives together can take the edge off a relationship. Even sex can become part of that predictable quality that becomes less fun and boring. Suggest a “nooner,” then meet her back at the apartment for lunch in bed. “Rent an erotic movie, go shopping for a sex toy, buy her a sexy teddy,” Schwartz suggests. “Make her believe no one could be as romantic or as much fun as you are.” With Peyronie’s disease putting limits on your sexual activity, it is important that you compensate by improving those elements of your personal and romantic relationship that can be improved, no matter how far your penis is curved.
3. Deal with all that sudden anger. Men with Peyronie’s disease are notorious for their anger. I will write a blog post about this problem soon, but for now let’s just agree that your temper lately has gotten out of control far too often and far too extreme. Do not use anger as a way to avoid the problems of Peyronie’s disease. Take the issues and problems you now face, and discuss them directly with her because she needs to know what is going on with you – your fears, your embarrassment, your feelings about your masculinity, your insecurity about your relationship with her, all of it. Many men cannot talk about these things, so they explode. ”Anger is like a termite—you don’t see it, but it’s eating the walls and the structure of the house you’re living in,” Dr. Schwartz says. “The house is the relationship, and if you don’t handle it, the termites will ultimately destroy that bond which keeps someone loyal.” You did not ask to have Peyronie’s disease, but it is your decision and your ultimate fault if you allow your anger to erode your relationship.
4. Learn how to use time. Dr. Schwartz advises that time can be used to diffuse and calm a tense situation. “What you don’t want to do is have a fight when you’re mad. Say, ‘Look, you’re upset, I’m upset, let’s meet tomorrow at breakfast and talk about this. I’m not in the best shape to deal with it right now.’ ” Talk about your problems, sure, but only do so when you are levelheaded and in control of yourself. If you are not, the chance is good that you will only make things worse. Use time to work in your favor to solve your relationship problems.
5. Create, or take advantage of, romantic moments. Even though it can be extremely corny and uncomfortable for a man, let’s just assume that all women really enjoy those Hallmark moments: sitting by the fireplace, reading a book together, washing her hair or doing her nails, sending her an email that tells her in simple language how much you love her, or just holding hands while you walk. Women think of these small things as great foreplay, and that is why they appreciate it when a man holds open a door, or takes care of her in small but important ways. Dr. Schwartz says, “The less [of these moments] you have, the more she’s thinking how it used to be, or how nice it would be to have a man offering to fly her to a cabin in the woods.” Make sure you are the one she is fantasizing about, by creating foreplay with simple acts of consideration, reassurance that you value her, and appreciation for who she is and what she does. “You don’t have to do it all the time, but if you can’t remember the last time you did any of this, it’s way too long,” Schwartz says.
Even if you do not have Peyronie’s disease, these things will improve and deepen your relationship. But if you have Peyronie’s disease these things become all the more important. You must do all that you can to support and strengthen your relationship with her, now that one element of your physical ability to satisfy her is diminished.
Peyronie’s disease does not destroy a relationship; it is allowed to die when the man who has PD does not understand what motivates his woman. Wise up.